I was swimming at the Dickenson Bay Beach in Antigua in the Caribbean. I usually swim along this beach for one hour every morning.
The beach is very calm and peaceful. The water is pristine, sometimes blue, sometimes green, but always clear and clean. As I swim I can see the sand at the bottom of the water and my stress level plummets.
However, there is one particular dark spot that I encounter in my journey along the beach. It looks like a monster under the water and I always feel afraid when I come to that spot. Sometimes the thought of passing that spot is so upsetting that I would consider cancelling my daily swim at this beach.
One day as I was approaching the spot the thought occurred to me that I should face the dark area that looks so threatening. Confront it, I told myself, and it will lose its power to frighten you.
On that morning I started swimming with the determination to let go of fear, and when I got to the spot where the “frightening monster” was, I felt my fear mounting as usual, but I pushed my head deep into the water in the direction of the frightening object to see what was going on. I had a good look at what was frightening me all these days and I got the surprise of my life.
I discovered as I got close to the dark spot that it was a beautiful fern tree growing at the bottom of the ocean. The closer I got to it the more I could see its helpless beauty and the more my fear evaporated.
Now I actually like swimming past that spot and everytime I get close, I put my head down and smile. What used to frighten me now makes me smile because I had the courage to confront it head on.
The fact is that if you are afraid of any thing from afar it will continue to frighten you. It will look bigger than it really is. The power of a bad situation will seem much more threatening than it actually is from a distance. Many of us waste time and energy nursing fear and trembling at events that have little power to hurt us.
Confront the Fear
I find it far better to confront what is troubling or frightening. Don’t let the monster remain in the shadows. Bring it in the light. Look at it. Name the culprit, examine it and it will lose its power over you.
Do you have an important phone call to make and you are paralyzed by thoughts of negative fallout? Pick up the phone. Get close to the situation, make the call and the crippling fear will subside.
Are you having a stomachache because you forgot her birthday? Don’t play victim to fear. Deal with the situation. Have you made a mistake and wonder what people are thinking? Don’t hide with fear anymore. Go say your are sorry and move on. Life is too short to spend any of it nursing fear and nourishing anxiety.
Apply for the grant to do the project. Ask her to marry you, tell your doctor what’s on your mind, write that frightening email, go to the clinic and find out what’s causing the pain, make up with your old girlfriend, dive into the water, open your eyes wide and face the obstacle that is hindering your progress or diminishing your joy and …deal with it.
Fear is always present if you are making fast progress and the more you try to avoid fear, the bigger it seems. The way to eliminate fear is to get closer to what you fear. That is what courage is. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the will to act in spite of fear.
A technique to build courage
One technique that will increase your courage to face a difficult situation that paralyzes you with fear is to have a conversation with yourself about that specific problem.
“What is the worst thing that can happen if I asked her out? What will happen to me if I made that important call or ask for the loan? Will I die? No. Will I get sick? No. will I lose my job? No.
Will I lose face for a few minutes? Yes, but I have conquered that feeling before. So knowing what’s the worst thing that can happen, I will take action in spite of it.
Remember Mark Twain’s advice “Do the thing you fear, and the death of fear is certain.”