Allow me to remind you what stress is NOT.

If you are going through a rough patch in your life right now, please remember that stress is not the unpleasant events you are facing. Stress is not being passed over for promotion. Stress is not the rejection, the insult, the financial crisis or the divorce. Troubles in life are called stressors, and stressors are inevitable, but stress is not.

Life has been defined as one darn thing after another. Stress is not in the darn things, it is in the way you choose to respond to the darn things.

You can block the natural flow from a stressful event to actual stress, with its physiological abnormalities, by responding in a healthy way to the stressors that confront you.

We all tend to respond to the difficulties of life in ways that are injurious to our health and wellbeing, and stress is the results of these responses.

Acute stress has been found to cause stress cardiomyopathy, but the point is that it can be avoided even if you are in the heat of the battle.

It seems natural for our physiology to be dismantled when the hardships of life hit us but we can remain firm, upright, optimistic and healthy by responding in self-enhancing ways and so avoid stress.

My basic point is that hardships and irritations are inevitable but stress is not.

Here are 7 things you can do right away to make yourself resistant to stress. Practice these ideas and the stressful situations that destroy others will be a source of better health and happiness for you.

1. Turn up the wick of your awareness. Take time to know who you are. Increase the intensity of attention that your bring to your own life. Be conscious of how you act at every moment. Notice how you feel at every step. Awareness is the most powerful gift you have been given, use it and focus it on your body.

   Listen attentively to your body so that it will not have to shout at you with some disease before you take note. With your awareness you will be training yourself to take action against stress at the slightest onset of discomfort.

2. Believe in a new way, with greater vigor and conviction, that you can handle whatever life throws at you.

   Make up your mind that you have the power to deal with the difficulties of life.

   Your beliefs are under the control of your will, so decide that no matter how weak you may feel or how great a predicament you may be in, believe that you can handle it.

   Look every disaster in the eye and say to yourself with sincere belief, " I can handle that".

3. Anticipate the stressors that are likely to hit you and plan to deal with them.

   You are a prophet. You can predict with great accuracy the kind of day that you are likely to have. So take a moment to predict and prepare.

   One way to do this is to use your imagination to visualize yourself in a stressful situation that you think might hit you. See the predicament, experience the difficulty in your mind, but see yourself handling it masterfully. This is how you prepare your body and mind to excel when the storms of life actually hit you.

4. Begin today to regard every difficulty you encounter as a cue to build a more refined and resilient physiology – a superior body and mind.

   As soon as troubles strike, activate your belief, say with conviction, "I can handle this" and begin to breathe deeply in and out and relax all your muscles. Let every crisis serve to instruct you to be calm and steady in the midst of all that comes and goes.

   Don't waste your trials. Use them to improve your health and performance.

5. Exercise at least 5 days a week for 45 minutes. Get medical clearance first.

   Exercise teaches the body how to recover quickly from stress. It is a good way to train your body to avoid becoming stressed. It builds both mental and physical toughness.

6. Keep a low arousal level – a low sympathetic tone. Let your physiology be so calm that it would take a lot to dismantle your composure. Try to become imperturbable.

   Practice this exercise all daylong, " Breathing in I observe my body and mind, Breathing out I smile and relax." Please say the words to yourself and do the actions at the same time.

7. Build good relationships. Never take people for granted.

   Reach out in a loving way to people, and surround yourself with loved ones who understand and support you. Stress likes when you are alone and flees when lots of support is around.

Practice these techniques and you will find yourself able to face the vicissitudes of life.

More than 8% of people in North America will suffer from Depression at some period in their lives. I see it often as a physician and it is very painful and distressing. Contemporary research has found that depression, in addition to causing emotional changes, also physically alters the brain.

Unlike sadness, depression is very different. It involves a host of signs and symptoms, and sadness is just a part of the complex array of feelings that accompany the condition. Often a patient will come to the doctor complaining of a headache, backache or fatigue when the real culprit is depression associated with a chemical change that has occurred in the body. Physiologically, depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain characterized by a decrease in serotonin.

If you think you may have depression, consider the brevity of the condition and seek medical help. Like most diseases getting help early can make a world of difference in terms of prognosis and overall outcome. Furthermore, beware of falling prey to any cultural or societal stigma associated with depression. While the dialogue around depression has become more open and acknowledged, many people still feel ashamed to come to terms with their symptoms.

Here are the most common symptoms that usually accompany depression and what medical professionals will use to first diagnosis a possible case of the condition:

• Sleep disturbance
• Profound or unrelenting sadness
• Pain unrelated to injury
• Constant fatigue
• Anxiety

It is important to identify and treat depression as it has way of exacerbating existing conditions. For example, hypertension, heart disease, diabetes, arthritis and back pain are more prevalent in people who suffer from depression.

If you feel that you may have depression ask yourself these questions. They will help you to assess your mental status and see if you need to see a doctor.
 

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DO YOU CARRY A SAD FACE?

This self assessment will help you assess your symptoms and help you better understand whether you may be experiencing depression. If you answer positive to one of more of these questions you seek to consult your doctor.
 

Anhedonia: Have you lost interest in usual activities? Do you find that you are incapable of enjoying anything?
 

Sleep: Do you have problems sleeping? Maybe you sleep excessively or too little. Has there been a noticeable change in your sleep pattern?
 

Appetite. Have you noticed a change in your appetite? Have you experienced a sudden loss or gain in weight? Have you lost interest in your favorite foods?

Dysphoria (bad mood): Are you irritable, aggressive, touchy or defensive? Are you easily frustrated? Is anger always lurking in the background of your life?
 

Fatigue: Are you always tired? Do you lack energy to do things that brought you pleasure in the past?
 

Agitation: Are you agitated, always moving excessively, or feeling on edge? Or maybe you feel the opposite, withdrawn and lethargic?
 

Concentration: Do you have difficulty paying attention or focusing? Do you find it almost impossible to focus on the task at hand?
 

Esteem: Do you have low self esteem or feelings of worthlessness or guilt?

About three years ago, I was walking through a beautiful little village in the Caribbean. On one of the beaches, there were a string of shops with local art and special clothes very attractively displayed to capture the attention of tourists as they strolled by.

Not far from the edge of the water was this very memorable shop. It was memorable because of its name and it spelled out in big red letters: COULDN'T CARE LESS.

Overcome with curiosity, I entered the store. I looked around and I saw 2 sales people in deep conversation, at times quite animated, and arms flailing with lots of laughter. They were really into their own agenda. They appeared to be having so much fun that they couldn't care less about me.

I was interested in purchasing a special painting of a famous mountain, but I left without buying it. And they couldn't care less anyway.

About 12 months later I returned to this village and immediately headed for the store to see how it was doing. I discovered that it had long been closed. I was told that it lasted only 2 months.

I am telling you this because I want to impress upon you that in order to really succeed in any venture you have to care. You can really only affect people if you care about them.

So here is some unsolicited advice.

If you are involved in any relationship, any business or any career, remember to CARE. Put "CARE"at the top of your priority list.

The catch is that "care" is not something you feel or something you possess. Care is a verb. You have to express it. And "Care" is as big a determinant of your success as any other single factor.

Here is a system that can help you make this wonderful quality "CARE" an integral part of your business.

As you read these ideas, see if you are already practicing them. If you are, take note and celebrate. Or maybe you can assess how close you are to implementing them in your daily routine.

Here they are:

C – Create a story that will make you or your service memorable. Do what others don't do, and do it in such a special way that it will become a story that they will remember and recount for a long time.

I created a story once when a patient called me to ask a question. I realized he had difficulty moving, so I made a house call. I prescribed a pain medication. He could not go for the prescription, so I went to the drugstore myself, got the pills, administered them and waited until he felt better.

That was the best career move I ever made. This older man spent the rest of his days telling the world how great a doctor I was. He not only told the story, believe me, he embellished it.

Create your own story.

A – Astound all your customers. Don't aim to satisfy, astound.

An insurance company astounded me once when I made a claim. I thought they would be self-serving and defensive, but the owner of the company said " you have been paying us for years. Are you sure you included everything? Will the amount you claim cover all your expenses?" And he was not even my friend. He astounded me and I can't stop talking about this company.

R – Recover from mistakes. Use recovery as a strategy to build and improve your business or career. Don't waste your mistakes. They have a lot of value in them. Use your blunders, failures and mistakes as opportunities to impress your customers in new ways.

When someone tells me that the book or DVD that I sent him or her is defective, I don't replace it. I send them two plus some additional products and I return their money. Now don't get any ideas!

E – Emotion – Send out positive emotions. In any situation, the person with the emotion on his or her side will always win.

Make happiness a big part of your business. Do like Zappos. Don't just deliver the goods. Deliver happiness. People only buy 2 things, solution to a problem and good feelings.

So go to work and C.A.R.E

I was swimming at the Dickenson Bay Beach in Antigua in the Caribbean. I usually swim along this beach for one hour every morning.

The beach is very calm and peaceful. The water is pristine, sometimes blue, sometimes green, but always clear and clean. As I swim I can see the sand at the bottom of the water and my stress level plummets.

However, there is one particular dark spot that I encounter in my journey along the beach. It looks like a monster under the water and I always feel afraid when I come to that spot. Sometimes the thought of passing that spot is so upsetting that I would consider cancelling my daily swim at this beach.

A few days ago I was in the island of Trinidad doing a seminar on stress and success.

Trinidad is known for Calypso, Carnival, and it has lots of oil. This is one of the largest islands in the Caribbean and it is quite well developed. The people are doing quite well considering the global financial situation. I have always regarded Trinidadians as very happy people.

After one of my presentations my driver took me to a Roti Shop to treat me to a typical Trinidad Roti. Trinidad is famous for its roti and my driver was taking me to the best roti shop in the Caribbean.

There was a long line but in about 15 minutes I was seated and soon afterwards I was enjoying the best of Trinidad and washing it down with spring water from Tobago.

Was that roti delicious or what! It had everything in it and I can’t wait to go back to Trinidad where I will be conducting my Caribbean Success Retreat in April 2014. If you don’t come for the life changing retreat, come for the roti. I promise you will not be disappointed.

When the bill arrived, my driver insisted that he pay for the roti. I objected with vehemence because I knew that I he only makes a fraction of what I make. He could have come off as a very generous fellow and still not have to pay but I could not change his mind, he wanted to pay.

When I accepted the favor and thanked him for his generosity, you should have seen the look of joy and pride on his face. You would have sworn that he won the lottery. He acted as if he got the advantage, as if he got the better part, and he drove with more energy and optimism after we left the roti shop.

Why was he so happy when he merely forced himself to spend money he could ill afford? He gave, I received, and as you know it is always better to give than to receive. Actually having money or receiving gives no joy, only giving results in joy says Henry Drummond.

On the way from the Roti Shop, I asked him about himself.

When he told me that he was 49 years old, I was astounded. I thought he was about 29 years old.  And he was handsome and healthy looking as well.

Apart from his main job as a driver, he makes cassava cakes on some of his days off and sells them to a few high-end restaurants. His cakes are very popular and he does well financially with this part time occupation.

As he drove me around he told me that many other restaurants want his cakes but he does not want to “kill himself out” just to make more money.

“Doc, I was standing at the back of your seminar, and I heard you say that happiness is the prize in life, and I am happy the way I am. I have a house and I can meet my needs. More money would not necessarily make me happier and look at what it would take to get more money – time. My boss is always complaining that he has no time. So in a sense I am richer than he is because time is more valuable than money.”

In my proverbial zest to motivate this man, I asked him what makes him happy and he said:

• “I arrange my life so I can spend a lot of time with my 12 year old son. I take him to the park often where we play together for hours sometimes. We often go to the beach together and I feel I have time to pass on to him while he is still young, the valuable lessons that I have learnt. This makes me really happy when I think about my role as a father.
• I have a woman I live with and we spend a lot of time together as well. We go dancing on the weekend and we go out on drives and walks and have long conversations. I feel our relationship is getting richer and I am trying to save some money so we can have a decent wedding. This relationship really makes me happy and I can’t wait to go home at the end of my shift to see her even after we have been together for over 12 years.
• The third thing that makes me happy is my spiritual awareness. I somehow feel that there is more to me than just my work and family and sometimes I feel like there is a superior being around me and I take time to be alone and to communicate with him and when I do I feel a strong sense of happiness deep inside.
• I also feel very happy at work. I love to help people. I have a lot to do sometimes but I never like to show that I am busy. When a customer asks me where a certain department is, instead of telling them, I actually accompany them, and as we talk, I find out more about them and I am often able to relieve some stress. You should know about that doc.

So all in all my life is good and I don’t want anything in my life to destroy the happiness I feel. I really want to protect my happiness because I was not always happy and I don’t want to start taking happiness for granted.”

At about this point we were close to the Hyatt Hotel near the water where I stayed. He then started telling me about his brother and that blew me away. It was so unusual. It is a mysterious tale about his brother’s involvement with the supernatural. But I will tell you about it in my next Happiness Report. Don’t miss it.

If you think my driver is interesting and different, just wait until I tell you about his brother. Until then let me remind you that “money is useless unless you can turn it into joy.”

I read the other day about a woman who prepared her house for inspection by a realtor, prior to putting it on the market.

The woman cleaned her yard and organized the approach to her property in a very inviting fashion. The hedges were evenly trimmed and the little rock garden in front of the home was inspiring.

The woman cleaned the walls of the house outside and inside. The hard wood floor got a legendary polish job. She and her friends made sure that the furniture was well placed in a welcoming and attractive manner.

The inspection was booked for 3 pm and by 2 pm she was ready. She took a last lingering look around and noted that the house was as clean as a whistle. So she sat on the edge of her favorite sofa, and from there she admired her handy work as she waited for the realtor.

The realtor arrived. Immediately, he noticed that the yard was free of any obvious rubbish, the garbage container was empty and the lawn was totally clean and neat and so was the outside of the building.

The realtor approached the front door, and as he entered, he noticed that the door was squeaking. There was some rust hiding in the inner aspect of one of the hinges. The windows looked clean but dust had settled deep in the pane below the reach of the usual dusting cloth. He also noted that there were multiple small stains on the carpet in the living room. The stains were small but nevertheless a distraction to the examining eye.

Every thing in the kitchen was arranged in a neat and orderly manner but there was rust under the sink and the edges of the basin were entertaining molds. When he looked into the cupboards he saw a bit of rotted wood under a large silver bowl.

In the bathroom he saw that the sink was clean and clear but the handles made an unpleasant sound. The washer was too old. There was dirt far under the toilet seat and part of the shower curtain had a minor tear. One of the bathroom tiles in the far corner where no one would look was defective.

The beds were neatly made, but the headboard grumbled every time you touched it. There was an artificial smell of air freshener but beneath this, there was hint of a moldy odor trying to get through.

There were so many things wrongs – little things, hidden things and yet important things. So the realtor rejected putting the house on the market. He announced that on the surface everything looked good but this house needed deep cleaning.

After I read this account, I thought about my own life as a house. I wondered what a real life expert realtor would say about me if I were the house.

I am sure he would notice that I look good on the outside. He would have to agree that nothing seems wrong with my health and energy. However, I wonder if put to the test, I would break down. Would my heart rate or my joints complain too much under pressure even if I seem ok?

The way I behave under normal circumstances might be acceptable, but I fear that a close look by an experienced realtor would reveal some cracks, some dust that needed to be removed - complaining too much when things don't go my way, permitting myself to be involved in a conversation where one of my colleagues is being vilified and although I do not contribute any words, I lack the courage to call them on gossiping about someone behind their back.

The realtor would notice that I sometimes say or do things just to look good in front of others. He would notice how I twist the truth, as long as I stand to benefit from the minor alternation. I engage in justification and rationalization to soften or hide my mistakes and I underestimate the worth and value of others in an effort to promote my own importance.

But I look good on the outside and behave well for the most part but the realtor would look at my house and asked me to get a deep cleaning.

He particularly would want me to clean out the room where I keep my emotions. He would mostly likely notice a tint of anger and hostility, self doubt hiding in a corner. I am just not ready for first class.

So every day I am going to take 5 minute to look deep into the crevices of my life and see what dirt is hiding behind my brilliant façade.

I really want a clean life and I am willing to work on myself to get it.

How about you? How clean is your life?

A surprising number of my patients have a problem with intrusive negative thoughts. These are patients with no diagnosis of mental disorder but they are unable to get certain negative thoughts from pervading their everyday psyche.

Everybody has negative thoughts. Sometimes these thoughts can be simply a passing idea or notion, or could be the resultant of a negative situation or reaction. For some, negative thoughts can be a recurring theme within their lives.

Here are 3 quick prescriptions that can help reduce negative thoughts:

1. Take the Time to Think

Negative thoughts are often a stress response helping us relieve tension caused by unpleasant events or situations. When negative thoughts arise take the time to think and reflect about what is causing such maligned thoughts. In most cases negative thoughts are caused by and directed towards other people. If that is the case try to put that person out of mind. This includes communication with that person, tracking their social media, or talking about that person negatively with your peers or your partner.

When you start thinking about something negative, stop, find a quiet place where you feel most comfortable and begin to reflect.

2. Get Clinical

Abating negative thoughts requires effort. Like anything in life, in order to achieve something requires an investment in time and exertion; not to mention the universal shedding of blood, sweat and tears.

Success is usually based on repeating a set of successive steps that work. In the same manner, make a plan that you can follow whenever you start having negative thoughts. This can include finding a place of solitude, engaging in exercise, going for a tasty meal, or better yet doing all three.

3. Flip the Switch

Getting rid of negative thoughts is never as easy as flipping a switch, however the choice to address them should be like a switch going off in your head. Dwelling on negative thoughts and allowing them to pervade your mind can lead to depression or other negative behaviors.

Before negative thoughts become more than just bad things that you are thinking about, flip the switch and make a purposeful and rational decision to acknowledge your thoughts and taking the appropriate steps to stop them.  Regardless of whether you want to or not, to address the thoughts that you’re having and making a plan to clear them from your mind is the most important step in reducing negative thoughts.

Do you have any recurring negative, worrisome thoughts that are causing you stress? Flip the switch.